Pug Finally Speaks with his Father

Pug Finally Speaks to His Father

I am not entirely certain what was the catalyst that made me finally take the decision to leave the safety and comfort of the Lollipop City sewers. It happened after breakfast. I went to the surface to buy some groceries, stuff you couldn’t find in the under dark, and suddenly, I passed by the Eastern Gate, and I saw a caravan of dwarves who were getting ready to return to Grumpsland. They wore the typical dark blue uniforms with the prominent swastikas on the chest and the well-known helmets with a cruel spike on top.  I was drawn to them as a moth is drawn to a flame.

“Are you from Grumpsland?” I asked the least angry looking of them. A fellow with a honey-colored beard smoking a big weed pipe.

“Aye. And were’ on our way back.” He retorted, giving me a weird look.

“Can I come with you? I have gold.” I said on impulse.

The dwarf looked at me suspiciously. A couple of his friends heard my question and came over to look at me suspiciously.

“What are ye?” said one.

“He’s a troll, can’t ye see that, fool?” said his companion.

“He’s nee a troll and nee a dwarf... he’s one of those aberrations…” said a third.

“Well, what are ye?” Said the honey-bearded one.

“My mother is a troll. My father a dwarf. He is from Grumpsland…” I replied, indignantly.

The dwarves looked at each other with utterly amazed faces, and then they began to laugh like crazy.

“That is nee possible, that would never happen!” cried one.  

“There is not one of us in Grumpsland that would make a troll lass pregnant! More probable they’d rape a goat first!” laughed another.

“Look, lad. I know yer from this city of freaks, but what yer saying makes no sense. I could see a troll raping a dwarf lass, but nee dwarf in his right mind would ever, I do mean ever do the nasty with a nasty troll.. I am sorry.” Said honey-beard almost apologetically.

I was furious. These stupid dwarves were denying the very reality of my existence and casually, insulted my mother! What utterly monstrous race! What hideous, horrid, ignorant hairy beasts these creatures were. I became so ashamed of my father I turned red like a tomato.  I did what any troll would have done in such a situation. I started to cry.

“All I wanted was to ask you to take me to Grumpsland to see if I could find my real father… And now you are so mean, I don’t want to ever go there and I don’t want to ever see any more dwarves again!” I wept.

Honey beard took a big puff form his pipe and put his big calloused hand on my shoulder.

“Aww, come on, lad, it’s not all that bad. We’re just never seen anything like ye before. I’ll make it up to ye, ye want to come to Grumpsland with us, well then go ask our Captain Lopez, maybe there is room for you.”

I looked up at the mean dwarves who were insulting my mother and I saw that their mirth had turned to embarrassment. Maybe they were not as terrible as I had judged them to be.

“What’s yer name, lad?” he asked me.

“Pug.”

“Well met, Pug. My name is Rudiger, and these louts are my friends, Cusco, David and Alberto.  Sorry if we insulted ye with our stupid comments. We’re just very surprised to see somebody like you.”

Captain Lopez was a white-bearded dwarf wearing a golden chest plate and a golden spiked helmet. He was busy giving orders to a variety of subordinates when I approached him. Rudiger took me, so as to make the introductions.

“Captain Lopez, this is Pug, his father is from Grumpsland, and I wants to come with us to meet him. He is half-dwarf.”

Captain Lopez gave me the most sour, terrible inspection I have ever had in my life with his cruel blue eyes. He shook his head disapprovingly various times and grunted.

“What’s your name, half-breed?” he finally asked.

“Pug.”

“I mean your family name?”

“Face-like-Moss O’Connell.” I replied.

“There are no dwarves named O’Connell in all Grumpsland. You must be mistaken.” Said the ancient dwarf.

“In fact, that is my mother’s name. My father did not give out his name to my mother the night I was conceived.”

“So how do you know he was from Grumpsland if you don’t even know his name?” asked Rudiger.

“On my mother’s word.” I said.

“The word of a troll?” Laughed Captain Lopez.

“My mother never lies!” I retorted angrily.

“How do you plan to find your father if you don’t even know his name, Pug?” asked Rudiger concerned.

I pulled out the only thing I had of my father, something I always wore as a necklace, and as a reminder that one day I would find him. It was a single gold cufflink with a runic “G” printed clearly on it. I took it off my neck and placed it in Captain Lopez grubby hand.

Upon looking at the cufflink, the Captain’s eyes widened like saucers.  He gave it to Rudiger to inspect and my new friend’s eyes also widened but even more impressive, his jaw unlocked and fell wide opened.

What was so special about a damn cufflink?

The Captain composed himself rapidly and gave the cufflink to Rudiger.

“Very well, Pug. You will come with us to Grumpsland. You have earned the right, since your father indeed seems to be one of us. But you will do so under two conditions. First:  we will keep the cufflink until you meet your father. Second: you will not speak of this to anyone but me and Rudiger here. Rudiger, you will take the boy to meet his father, and by the gods will keep your damned mouth shut about it. Nobody need to know any of this, am I clear?”

“Yes Sir Captain!” Said Rudiger saluting.

“Well, yes, I agree.” I said not too sure of myself.

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The trip was faster than I anticipated. Rudiger placed me on the back of a car pulled by a very swift triceratops. I was amazed that such a huge beast would be so fast, but in fact, all of the beasts in the caravan were pretty fast.

I questioned Rudiger various times about the cufflink, but he absolutely refused to talk about it. He just told me that I would be taken to the owner of the cufflink when we got to Grumpsland and that I should keep my mouth shut about it until that time.

Rudiger also made hundreds of questions about me and my life and my mother and all that. And I spent all the days it took to get to Grumpsland trying to recreate in my mind my childhood in Lollipop City for the benefit of the curious dwarf.

The gigantic Lollipop City Road (which we in Lollipop City called Grumpsland Road) was specked in its entire length with hundreds of homes and businesses that catered to caravans such as ours. But in fact, huge parts of the road were also just dense forest and I imagined that all manner of monsters would make their home in such forests and were it not for the fact that we were in a huge caravan pulled by enormous beasts we would have been easy prey for the woodland predators.

When we finally arrived, I could see the hundreds of chimney fires before I could actually see the great city walls. Grumpsland, like Lollipop City kept the fires of industry and welfare always going. As we approached the city from the south, I could see, to the east, the great Sea of the Serpent. Like most other cities in Nagaloka, Grumpsland was also a seaport.

At last, the city walls rose from the forest. They were huge, easily 30 meters high, made of thick trunks of gigantic trees, perfectly cut and shaped.  The southern gate was wide open and hundreds of dwarves and a few other creatures were coming in and out constantly.

Crossing the gates was the most incredible experience of my life…

The streets of Grumpsland were paved with gold.

Huge white stucco buildings with red-tile roofs were the norm in the city. The buildings were incredibly beautiful and masterfully crafted. All around, luscious gardens, fountains, and gold statues. Hundreds and hundreds of gold statues. But the most incredible of all were the gold bricks which made the main avenues of the city. There was more gold in one city block than in all of Lollipop City banks and coffers.

Swastikas hung from all the windows and the flag-posts. Thousands of blue-clad soldiers patrolled the streets. If fascists had a homeland, it would be Grumpsland. It looked as if the Nazi Germany of planet earth had been reconstructed and perfected by the dwarves. Everything was clean. Everything was orderly. Everything was… boring.

Captain Lopez pulled up to me ridding a pony.

“You will be staying with Rudiger and his family until we arrange a meeting with your father. Until then, I don’t want you wandering around the city. Is that clear?” He barked.

“Yes Sir, Captain Lopez!” said Rudiger saluting and grinding his teeth.

“Sure.” I said curious. Who was my father that the Captain had to arrange a meeting with him? He must be a very important person. Maybe a high ranking government official. This idea made me hate him even more. Mother and I had barely scraped a living and here in Grumpsland, the streets were literally paved in gold.  

Damned dwarves!

Rudiger lived in a modest neighborhood paved with ordinary bricks. Dozens of well-kept but modest two story homes, all identical lined the street which was off one of the main gold-paved avenues.

He lived with his wife, Daniela, and three daughters, Lithuania, Georgia and Bavaria. The women all gave me weird looks, but after Rudiger gave them a long and annoying chat about the importance of respecting other races, cultures and creeds, they relaxed more around me.

About three days later, early one morning Captain Lopez came over to the house and informed Rudiger that “my father” would be coming to meet me personally that same evening at Rudiger’s house. Rudiger’s face turned paper white upon hearing these news.

“That cannot be, Captain. That’s… Why me? Why my home? What about my children?” begged Rudiger.

“That is what is and it’s an order, Rudiger. He will be arriving incognito around six this evening, and you better be prepared.” Said the Captain coldly.

 And then he left.

Rudiger was crestfallen. He looked at me with angry, cold eyes, but said nothing. Then, he turned to his wife and kids, who stood there, curiously…

“We are having a very special guest this evening. The place must be immaculate. I’ll help you clean up. Children! Go find your best clothes. You will all bathe before dinner tonight. You will put on your best clothes. You will act … well, you will just be very polite. Our guest …. Go… go clean your rooms now. I want everything immaculate. Do you understand me?”

“Daddy, what’s going on?” said one.

“I don’t have any good clothes…” said the other.

“Rudiger, who is coming to dinner tonight? Can you try to explain to me what is going on here?” said Mrs. Rudiger, flushed in the face.

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That same evening you could cut the tension with a knife. Rudiger’s girls were all dressed in their best lace dresses, a scrumptious dinner had been served, but not touched and the house was even more immaculate and spotless than before.

I still had no clue what was going on, and why all the fuss over “my father”. But I also knew I would find out very soon.

At exactly 5 minutes to 6, Captain Lopez knocked on the door.  Rudiger opened it.

“Everything ready?”

“Sir, yes Sir!”

“Nobody knows?”

“No Sir!”

“Good… Majesty, you can come in now…”

A dwarf wrapped from head to toe in a tunic with his face hidden by a thick wool scarf came in and Captain Lopez quickly closed the door.

“Where is he?” the new arrival asked with a powerful ancient voice.

I stepped forward.

The wrapped figure looked at me critically. He pulled out the gold cufflink.

“Who gave you this?” he asked me.

“My mother.”

“What is her name?” he replied.

“Feet of Clay.”

“Her full name.”

“Feet of Clay O’Connell.”

The veiled dwarf looked around at all of us standing there and turned to Rudiger.

“Dear Rudiger, is there somewhere in your house where we can have some privacy?”

“My office.”

So Rudiger took me and the veiled dwarf to his office and the veiled dwarf closed the door.

Once the door was closed, the dwarf began to take off his scarf. When he finally took it all off, he looked like a handsome dwarf with a long white beard. Nobody I could recognize easily. After all, to me all dwarves look alike.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“I am told you are my father. The cufflink… is yours?”

“I lost it years ago… in Lollipop City. It was the Jigolanthas Carnival, and I had been drinking Kokodril. I got sick. Terribly sick. I was passed out in some damn rotten alley of the Red District, choking on my own vomit when your mother… Footsy, she said was her name… took me to her home, down in the sewers. There she took care of me, took off my clothes and bathed me. She did it out of sheer goodness, and I… I took advantage of it. I was still mad with the damned drug. We only did it once. I never thought she would have gotten pregnant.”

“That’s pretty much what she told me too.” I said, anger swelling under my skin.

“The cufflink. I it proves it. You are my son. I am very sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t even know you existed.”

Suddenly, I remembered something. I knew his face! I had just seen it, when I … came through the gates of Grumpsland. Walking on the gold-paved avenue, the gold statue that greeted all newcomers. It was him.

He was King Grumps.

“You just figured out who I am?”

“The statue…!”

“Yes. You saw it. Everybody who comes to this city and goes through the city gates has seen it. It is a statue of me. I am King Grumps.”

Everything made sense now. Why they had taken me in the caravan. Why they wanted everything to stay quiet. Why he had to come incognito.  

I was flabbergasted. My father was the King of Grumpsland!

“Pug, I am very sorry. I did not know you existed. Your mother never… how would I know? I left the day after and I didn’t even ask her name.”

“Mother must have known. Everybody knows King Grumps! How could she not know?” I was angry now… not at this poor dwarf. I was angry with my mother. Why didn’t she tell me?

“Not everybody knows who I am, Pug. To a troll, all dwarves look alike, and when we met, I was on vacation, trying to pass anonymous. I was not dressed like a King. I had no men at arms. I was just a stupid old drunk dwarf choking on his own vomit, poisoned by kokodril.”

“How could she be so DUMB!?” I wept.

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Father and I returned to Lollipop City together. But he “dressed” himself into the form of a Lizard Man. 

We agreed… well, he begged me and I agreed… to keep my existence and parentage a secret. He was King of the Dwarves and if it came to be known that he had a troll child, there could be a civil war in Grumpsland. It was a dangerous secret that must be kept secret. Dwarves and trolls had an ancestral hatred and if the dwarves found out their King had been having sexual relations with a troll, they would surely hate him. For the sake of the city the secret must be kept.

But father also showed me that he did care.

He told me that mother and I would never lack of anything, and that one day, when he died, I would be his heir. All his treasures, all his wealth… It would be mine. And he would visit me often and teach me all he could about being a dwarf. But I must not return to Grumpsland ever. Questions could be asked. Rumors spread.  

Convincing mother to keep her mouth shut cost dad a whole lot more gold than convincing me. But in no time, mother and I moved out of the sewers and into a twenty room mansion just south of the prestigious Hister Street. We went from absolute poverty to absolute wealth in one day. The flow of gold would never stop.

Convincing me to keep my mouth shut was much easier.

I didn’t want to be the cause of a civil war.

Dad’s secret would be safe.