The Fall of New Rome

The Fall of New Rome

Ask yourselves, dear readers, how many times was Rome sacked? The answer might surprise you, for it is in the Bible. But I won’t give it to you. No, you’ll have to wait, especially if you are living in Planet Earth circa de time I was writing this as Robin, the author of this.

Time is a funny companion. Especially where death is no more.

The art is in the art. The Muse has a well known name. And she doeth quiet other spirits when she speaks to the writer.

You see, the Fall of New Rome in Planet Nagaloka was such a tremendous and terrible event that it’s psychic shadow plays itself across the stars, haunting the dreams of children. And very old people.

The principals are well known. King Grumps, who back then was not King Grumps, except for those who knew him really well, Xan, Jigolanthas and Rainsong were his best friends, General Kurgan his enemy and basically, the Arena his life.

The Arena, that most cruel of human inventions, was to Grumps as water to a fish. After all, Grumps was the greatest of dwarven warriors, and slaughter his most amazing work. His friends, each in their own way, shared this sad, maybe, virtue, and as a group there were the most feared of all. Except, perhaps to Cesar Nero II. His brutal young son, Caligula IV was indeed the most proficient and well thought heir apparent, and New Rome was, all in all, at peace, and bringing Pax Roman to all the brute races like Elves, Dwarves and Goblins.

Goblins, having the incredible luck of finding the center of their empire at the crossroads of the most important trade routes to the north, River XXX and River XXX, were the most dangerous. Dwarves and Elves had been already conquered and “civilized”, but rebellions amongst them were always a danger, especially in the frontier towns where humanity was not as well organized.

Me? You know me. Nasrudin. The traveling bard. I do get around, in space and time. Part of the job, I guess.

“Grumps,” I asked him once… “Why are we really here?!”

“Ye mean in Nagaloka, friend?!” He answered, chomping on yet his second whole goat. It was almost finished, and he was sucking the marrow from the bones of the eyes. It would make a great and powerful helm once he was done.

“We’re here because it is here that we are. Why worry about the reasons?”

“But I am a bard. Reasons are what I am all about. Stories, actually. The lore of the race, or races, in this case.”

Jigolanthas, on his second bowl of weed, raised his nose above the fumes and smiled, as he always did, the perverted imp.

“I have other reasons to be here, friends. Roman chicks are hot.”

Xan sighed. Rainsong, always the voice of reason between his demi-human friends, sighed as well.

“I for one, would either change this place or be other where. I am a gladiator in a Circus, and this is not my most noble of efforts!”

“The time, dear Rainsong, is always on our side. And I say, the perks in this place, they’re worth something.” Said Jiji.

“Illogical, Jiji. How is time always on our side?” Asked the elf, finally putting his opinion in the conversation, and thinking, immediately, that the entire conversation was just a provocation, and saying anything, as usual, would prove futile.

Grumps got up, walked over to the door and headed down the corridor, to the cells of the other prisoners. He was free to come and go as he wished, and this freedom, given to him by the Slave Master, Kurgan, was never abused, so it was not questioned either.  As he was parting, Grumps said: “I’m with the human, as usual. We’re getting out of here today. Might have to kill a million or two, but I’m tired of this.”

And suddenly, everybody, but especially me, were on our toes.

Grumps headed directly for the door of Chaz the Ogre, a recent acquisition from Kurgan. Kurgan, as usual, watched with rapt attention the movements of the other dwarf in the dungeons.

A tired Roman Soldier opened the door for Grumps, saluting.

“Bit late to be visiting, don’t you think Grumps?” he said, bored.

“So take a nap. You look like you need one.”

The soldier laughed.

So, Grumps went in, and asked Chaz:

“I’m breaking out. You coming?”

“Awww.. Good luck, and I thought tomorrow you were gonna kill me.” Said Chaz, smiling.

The Roman, who was, of course listening on the door did not quite dare raise his shield and spear. Doing so, might cost his life. But Grumps, who counted on every resource just said:

“You too?”

And the guard was all to happy to comply.

Now, to understand the ferocity with which the Arena of New Rome was guarded, especially from it’s own inhabitants in the dungeons, you have to understand a little bit about architecture. The dungeons are built, basically as a large stair full of traps to reach the surface Arena, and then, the surface Arena is the perfect killing ground for those leaving the dungeons. Added to this the guards, wards, and real traps there is also the factor of the proximity of the barracks to it, which basically can place the entire army of New Rome at it’s doors in case of siege from within.

It would certainly not be the first time that the four companions, as the liked to call themselves, would have escaped from such a dangerous institution, so in sense, the entire exercise was unfair, especially to the Romans.

Especially because the Naga Lords, who had of course, placed the Romans in New Rome, had also placed the four companions there as well, knowing full well that these mighty heroes would liberate the slaves of New Rome from their unfair existence.

The real question was one of acceptable loses.

The fall of New Rome was inevitable. The disease of it’s corruption would not allow it to continue forever, but time is a long time, and Rome … New or old, was Old. The Romans were no fools.

The first three levels of the dungeon, which were, actually the last three, if you counted them from the top, held no contest for the four companions. Their army, now made from both slaves and guards, too afraid to fight against them, grew from four to about three dozen. It was in the fourth level, from the bottom, that resistance began from the Roman side.

First of all, the Romans blocked the entry, and second, they slaughtered all the inmates from the first level from the top to the last three levels. It was, as military operations go, brilliant. For it both bolstered the moral of their troops, it also erased the possibility of more slaves becoming a problem. The lessons of Spartacus were not lot to Caligula IV. Not in New Rome.

And it was exactly at that moment that we can observe, as historians, the importance of racially pure troops to defend a Nation. For when word got around that the Four Companions were escaping, no troop that was not of human origin would dare fight the dwarf.

And that, evened the battle.

It was the prescience of Xan, the sorcerer elf that prevented the slaves when the various weapons of mass destruction were poured into the lower levels to slay the rebels. First it was the cold… colder than iced air. Then the spiders. Then the rolling rocks. And each time, the four heroes came forth to the battle and defeated the danger with some magic or muscle.

And one by one, after that, were broken the doors of the higher levels, and guards slain, converted or routed to the rebellion.

When “the Army of King Grumps” as it became known to the rebels finally poured out of the Arena, New Rome was already in flames, and all of what remained of it’s army was now there, waiting for the greatest battle.

But as they lost it, falling dead as do the wheats in harvest time, they fled, and it was then that began the worst.

Every imaginable goblin, orc and witch fell upon the Romans, killing, devouring, scourging. It was as if the end of the world had come. But worse. It took nine days to satisfy the thirst of vengeance upon the Romans. And after nine days, when the heads of both Nero II and Caligula IV hung from the wall of the Emperor’s Palace which was now the house of King Grumps, did the newly self-crowned dwarf monarch  decreed the war was over.  The survivor humans were spared and the Romans were enslaved, man, woman and child. And the dwarves of New Rome renamed the burning city Grumpslandia. And vowed to rebuild it even better than before.

You can imagine not everybody was happy. And oddly enough, it was the elves of the city, led by the ever logical Xan, who first demanded a democracy. They were quickly followed by the gnomes, goblins and orcs, who had much to say about living under an immortal a dwarf King.

The humans were divided, as usual. But Rainsong, popular hero and one of the Four, backed Jigolanthas and Xan on discussing democracies with Grumps, who was, well… not very receptive.

“You can’t expect the humans to ever accept your rule if they ever find out about Om’Haha. Does the word human genocide bring anything back, you pompous fool?” cried Jigolanthas, who was always Grumps greatest pain in the neck, even though he had saved his life too many times to forget.

“So what would you have me do?” retorted the dwarf angrily. “Give the city to Rainsong, so we will all end up as hippies?”

“No one man must be the head of the city.”. Said Rainsong, appreciating that Grumps was the smartest tactician and the oldest among them.

“A democracy, Grumps. Like the Greeks. We will have four voices and…”

“One Voice, elf. One Lieder, One People!” Spat the dwarf. “Anything else is suicide.”

“They will not accept you, old friend.” Said Rainsong.

“So? Are you three against me then? Does the dwarf have to fight all for his own? Would you betray me?”.

“We’re not going to betray you, Grumps. We’re going to help you. We shall, among us all, create a great nation, and…”

“And then we shall all be overrun by damn humans! Just like it would have happened in Om’Haha. Your democracy will lead us all to genocide much faster than MY Kingdom.”

“Your avarice and pride will kill us all first!” cried Jigolanthas.

“Blasted, gnome. You KNOW am I right. You have already thought it all out, and you know it is YOUR avarice and pride that will get us killed!” shouted Grumps.

“There is … a third way.” Said Xan, ever thinking.

And so, the great exodus began.

The dwarves would stay, with their allies in the ruins of New Rome, now “Grumpslandia”. They would rebuild it to it’s former glory.

And the other races, especially the humans, who were terrified of the dwarf tyrant, the butcher of the Arena, would seek a new homeland. They would go to the east, where the lizard men lived, a peaceful folk, with healing qualities and a philosophy of strict Non Violence.  Their leaders, a human, an elf and a gnome, would build a democracy, based on the true and trusted principles of majority rule.

Grumps was very saddened to see his best friends go. But at least nobody got killed, and the wealth of New Rome was not entirely lost. The libraries, bath-houses, temples and roads remained.  The homes were not torn down. And dwarves were now the owners.

And the others, humans, gnomes, elves, goblins, orcs, Minotaurs… They became a new kind of family. A family that believed in just that, democracy. And of course, in the Three Elders, as they became known. Of the Four Companions nobody would speak any more. After all, Grumps the Tyrant would never be forgotten for his treason of democracy and the true rule of law.