Lava speaks with Pride, the King of the Dajjal

Lava Speaks with Pride, King of Dajjals

The Hobbit Beach of Lollipop City, a perfectly gorgeous beach, styled almost exactly as Santa Monica Beach in Los Angeles, planet Earth, with a gigantic pier upon which you might find all manner of monstrous mechanical games to delight the children. There is the Octopus, the Ferris Wheel, the Merry-Go-Round, the Russian Mountain and many others. Besides the games, you also find a variety of stands with all manner of tourist traps, like the spin-the-bottle, the marbles game, darts, cards, dominoes, pool tables, and every gambler’s and sharks’ dream. Food? Just consider every single delicacy imaginable by man or beast served by the most absolutely gorgeous halfling wenches this side of Middle Earth.

A huge and chaotic place in a huge and chaotic city, you can lose hours… days… years… smoking ganja and watching sunsets and sunrises on the beach.

My name is Lava, I am a loyal Pink Tower Guard, serving the newly crowned King Agua, sovereign of Lollipop City. I am a Scorpion Man, which is to say, I have the body of a Scorpion but the torso and head of a man. I am roughly the size of a horse (or centaur if you prefer), and I am also a Capricorn. I like bacon and eggs, roasted goblin, and a variety of other protein rich foods. My metabolism determined the fact that I am a carnivore… Would I eat humans? Of course, but human flesh is one of the most expensive, right behind gnomes and elves. Almost all of them want to bury their dead, not sell their flesh in the troll butcher shops.   

But I digress.

I was at the time, smoking a bowl of fine ganja and visiting with one of the merchants on the beach with the best reputation… John Wayne.

John Wayne is a ganja salesman who has managed to market his particular strain of ganja all over Nagaloka and several other planets to boot. His “John Wayne” ganja is considered one of the best of the Milky Way and prices outside Lollipop City, where he grows his product, are off-the-charts. He is a burly, handsome bastard who chooses to dress in the style of human cowboys of Earth.  His similarity with the Hollywood actor is remarkable, and totally genuine. He has never used polymorphic magic to change himself.

Well, John Wayne and I were sitting on the beach, smoking a bowl together when suddenly, a huge hole appeared about four feet away from us. A few onlookers went to see what the hole was all about, and I, being a Pink Tower Guard, told them to step back until everything was safe.

Seconds later, a huge explosion rocked everybody off their feet, including my diminutive friend. A few folks got hurt when they fell, but nothing serious. Except for John, who fell, oddly enough, on his head, which struck, even more oddly, a great crab, who was just trying to right herself after being blown by the blast.

John lost consciousness immediately.

And from the midst of the explosion, a most peculiar floating eye, roughly the size of a house appeared floating exactly on top of the hole.

“I am looking for Lava, Guard of the Pink Tower.” It said into all our collected heads. Which is to say telepathically, and shouted loudly for all within visual distance to listen. About two dozen naked, puzzled hobbits (did I mention that the Hobbit Beach is a nudist beach?) looked at each other and then pointed their grubby fingers at me all at once.

Trying to reassemble what was left of my pride, I stepped forward.

"I am he." I said, “At your service.

You must understand something about my nature. I am a Scorpion-Man. I have been genetically altered by the Nagas to contain both the best of Scorpions and Humans, two tribes that have somehow not gotten along perfectly over the ages of the universe. But the key word here is SCORPION. I am always, necessarily, ready for battle. My stinger twitched in anticipation.

"So nice to meet you, sir." Replied the incredibly huge levitating Eye.

"And you might be?" I asked, now more curious about of offensive new arrival, who had knocked my friend, the hobbit unconscious, and generally, caused a great peace-disturbing chaos. I could, after all, arrest him.

The little market was a mess. Little panics form the appearance of the giant eye were spreading everywhere. My muscles were just barely starting to move again, electric shock still cursing through some of my appendages, my adrenaline working overtime. The hobbits on the beach were actually (I thought) spoiling to see a fight.

"My name is Pride, I am also known as Television and in some places, Dajjal." Said the eye.

Blinking with a little grace and a smile. Except it was just an eye. A floating eye. There was no mouth to his smile, just the eye. How DO eyes smile?

"I have heard of you. You live in the center of our planet, do you not?"

"Correcto."

"And how might I serve you, Maharaja Pride?" Maharaja means King. Pride was the King of the Kingdom of the Dajjals in the Inner Earth of Nagaloka, so addressing him with the title was very important. I was not so naïve as to not recognize the monarch. But I was a little puzzled, and quite terrified as to why this particular monarch was looking for me, and not necessarily King Agua.

In Nagaloka, all sentient beings were perfectly peaceful and well-meaning to each other. Hence, giving a formal greeting to the King of "Hell" was more than ordinary. But even so, a dangerous proposition. Powerful Kings of “Hell” as some understood the Inner Earth to be, were unpredictable and sometimes cruel beings. They could wipe out entire cities and not blink an eye if they thought it would benefit their needs.

"I need clarifications. I have come here to ask you a number of questions about Lollipop City, and I hope you can answer them honestly. Why your opinion is of interest to me, I prefer to keep to myself. But tell me, are you willing to answer some questions about your city?"

"It will be my pleasure, sire. It is well known that Lollipop City is a great and democratic republic, created by the Three Elders who also built it from the ground and held it together placing presidents and kings for each tribe under them that served the common good with intractable wisdom. King Agua, new ruler of this city has brought the Vaisnava faith to us, but has determined to keep our democratic and self-ruling principles originally created by the Three Elders. This has made most of the residents of our great metropolis very happy."

My answer was standard Pink Tower propaganda, well-rehearsed and well written. Was it true? I certainly believed it to be.

"A doomed democracy, I fear. But that is unimportant now, tell me, what is YOUR faith?” The thoughts of the great eye popped into my head as clearly as if they had been spoken. Indeed, the “voice” of the great being was complex, melodious and very masculine.

"Oh Great Maharaja Dajjal: although I am a scorpion and I am therefore unable to fulfill the four vows of a Vaisnava, I consider myself a Devotee of Krishna.” I said, also truthfully.

“I see. And tell me, do you think that the religious regulations decreed in the Vedas could be applied as laws for the citizens of Lollipop City?”

“Of course not.”

“Why?”

“Because we are a very mixed and chaotic bunch of creatures, oh Maharaja. The Vedic instructions regarding vegetarianism would be the death of creatures such as myself, who depend on animal protein to survive. And I am not alone. There are ogres, trolls, and of course, dragons. They need meat to survive, as do the Rakshashas, and the ghouls.”

“And do you think that putting together such a strange variety of beings is wise?” The giant Eye floated out of the zone of the hole and began to move slowly, ever so slowly, towards the mechanical games.

“The fact that we all live in peace amongst ourselves with a few exceptions who are rapidly exiled from here would seem to prove it, oh Maharaja.” I said.

“And yet, the Dwarf War, or as you call it here now, the King Agua War began on religious principles. It was King Agua’s failure to build a temple that caused him to ask the help of the dwarves to invade the city. And now, he is an avowed devotee of Lord Krishna. Do you feel that is congruent?”

“So long as the democratic protections created by the Three Elders hold, yes, I do.”  I explained.

And I wondered…

Why had this particular Dajjal looked for me to answer his questions? King Pride was known as Lucifer in some places, a “fallen” angel. In fact, this being was perhaps NOT Lucifer, but another avatar of Lucifer. A living avatar of a spirit immortal. So why bother with a lowly tower guard?

"Well, I can see that Scorpion Men in Lollipop City are well known for their honesty.  I am, on the other hand, known mostly as a liar, although I choose not to lie to you. I feed off the Pride exuded by sentient beings, and specifically, the worship they give me, so sometimes I am forced, for reasons of feeding off emotions, to push the truth to its limits."

"You are named Pride, and yet that is a condition, not ... a name. Or is it?" I was curious exactly what kind of creature this was.

"Pride is a “Sin”. The sin that has doomed me to my servitude to Pride itself, perhaps. As good a name as any." The great eye said. And once again did that smiling thing. Uncanny.

"And yet, you are perfectly agreeing to be what you are. Why?" I asked. I was genuinely curious.

"Could darkness be not dark? Could death be not death?  The great unknown? What does it mean for death to die? Could Pride not be proud?" It replied.

"A question within a question." I pondered out loud.

"Perhaps I don't know the answer." He joked. And for the first time, I hear the laughter of Pride. A wonderful thing.

"And yet scriptures would tell us that you are omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, eternal, everlasting and immortal." Dealing with such dangerous beings as the Dajjals must be handled with caution, and when such a being joked about something, it could ... spell trouble.

"And also not." He said, definitively. “Death… the GREAT death, comes to us all. Even the so called “immortals”. I will be dead when beings are no longer proud to exist.”

I tried to remember what scriptures and all that.

It failed me completely. I had never been a good student of scripture.

But matter not, Scorpion Men are not known for their immense intellect, although I wore the Pink Uniform of the Elder Jigolanthas, who demanded of all his soldiers vast and complete knowledge of certain topics of his interest, including demonology... I had been a Guard to the Elder Gnome before I had become a guard to the Lizard King.

Suddenly, my passed out friend, the hobbit, John Wayne regained his consciousness and sighed between his teeth.

"Pride! My Lord…"

He tenebrously bowed before the strange creature.

Pride showed again his "happy" eye and then gave the hobbit a very brief and very intense image of an extremely sexual nature. It appeared directly inside the iris of the “eye”, a huge thing, as big as a television set.

"Your Lord is Lust, Hobbit, least you forget!"

"Pardon the confusion. But might I be of service to you anyhow, Lord?" John Wayne said, sweating visibly. He was terrified. He knew these Dajjals personally. But how was “Lust” his “Lord”.

"You might join our conversation if so wish. I am just… as you say… strolling on the beach" Said the Dajjal.

"Wow! A conversation with the King of the Dajjals! I wouldn't miss this for eternity, your highness!"

"What were we talking about?" Pride asked me.

"... omniscience." I replied.

"The subject bores me. I prefer to talk about my incredible achievements in Hollywood."

"Hollywood. Planet Earth. A planet that has been quarantined by the Nagas if I am not mistaken."

"The Nagas are wise to quarantine the humans. They have been exterminating other tribes incredibly fast. Why just last year, they did away with the spotted leopard. They are a dangerous menace to the entire multiuniverse. I have argued with other Elder Dajjals about their extermination, but most are quite reluctant, since they feed on them."

The dajjal's eye showed a variety of non-human eyes to me. The ones of the beings exterminated by human activities on earth.

"I happen to disagree with that appraisal, Lord. The humans show great potential." Fortunately, early in my military career, I had met a number of extremely agile minded and foremost benevolent and awakened human souls.

"You would say that because you are half-human, dear. If you were of "my" condition, you would not be so sure."

"You mean to exterminate them?" I asked.

"Oh, I think King Agua and Princess Minoreyna will do just fine, doing it for me. Maha Pralaya and all that, do you know? Although I have heard it said from certain places that might be that this particular Brahma who created us all is not at all happy with the arrangement. Krishna and Jesus will have to dish it out. It’s not for me to decide. My only interest is to make men proud."

"How is that possible?" I asked.

Indeed, I was getting more information on this one single meeting with this one single floating eye than I had from all the wizards and sorcerers trying to pry open the future.

"Even if I knew, why would I reveal it to you? King Agua will become Emperor of the Multiuniverse, and a single choice in that tenure will cause reality to cease to exist. We are all doomed."

I wondered if I should drop the subject, or force the Dajjal to answer my questions more clearly.

Never one to offend unnecessarily, I dropped the subject. It was not that important anyhow. The dharma of each being, being it known or unknown is an unbreakable thing. If King Agua was supposed to cause the end of the Universe, so be it. But… why would he do that? And could I influence him to do otherwise? I was one of his confidents. I walked with him often, in the bowels of the Pink Tower and in other places, as his bodyguard. His assistant. His friend.

A long silence ensued. Suddenly, the dajjals eye brightened, smiling again.

"I am bored. What do you fellows recommend to pass the time in Lollipop City?" He asked.

"The Red District." John Wayne the Halfling and I said simultaneously.

In a city such as ours, the place with the roughest, most perfectly debauched entertainment, as be fit the King of Dajjals would be in the Red District. It was going to be a wonderful night.