Kurgan Hacha Sangrienta Falls of a Halfling

Kurgan Hacha Sangrienta falls for Rainbow the Halfling. 

When I turned 14, mom and dad left Grumpslandia for the greener and less dwarf-infested chaos of Lollipop City. Halflings living in the dwarf capital were always considered 3^rd class citizens, since dwarves are notoriously “volk” oriented. That means “people” in German, but in many other languages it means racist, but please don’t tell them that. Dwarves hate to be called racist.

Damn Nazis!

My family’s idea was to find a bit of freedom, since Grumpslandia is a fascist dictatorship favorable to dwarves only and Lollipop City is a democracy with strong protections for all minorities.

Or well, a kind of theocratic-democracy, since their immortal living gods, Xan the elf, Jigolanthas the gnome and Cancion de Lluvia the human, lived and ruled over the city, but with a very democratic “flavor”, that is, they owned the city but they ruled it democratically.

But being a family of ultra-conservative, ex-Nazi, dwarf hating-halflings living in the East Gate District of one of the most busy cities of the entire planet, (city known to many elsewhere for it’s absurd libertine attitude and debauched rules), well, you could imagine how that could become hell for me in no time flat. In fact, the Nazi dwarves were perfectly accommodating, compared to Lollipop City.  The mixed city was really just “hell-on-earth” but nobody was willing to say it.

The fact that the government was run from a “giant penis” named the Pink Tower and filled to the brim with sex-crazed gnomes did not help any.  The problem was not the big dick and the gnome dicks that lived inside it.

The problem, the real problem, the actual cause of my suffering in what many other considered utopia, dear readers, were my parents.

“Rainbow!”, they said, “…you must promise us not to go out EVER, under any circumstances without one of us knowing where you are and how long you will stay.”

“Rainbow, stay away from the non-halflings in this town. They are degenerates.”

“Rainbow, don’t you dare wear something so provocative… Don’t paint your lips! Don’t wave your Hips! Be decent! Be invisible! Don’t get noticed..!”

“Rainbow.. Rainbow.. Rainbow!!!”

My life was over from the moment we crossed the great Eastern Gate at the end of the long and marvelous Lollipop City Road.  But then, all of us, teens think that sooner or later. We do take things seriously, not like the damned adults.

And here is the funny thing.

Thinking “Your life is over” because your parents are digging their conservative heels up your young-and-curious ass every twenty minutes because they moved you to a city full of perverts and pedophiles, that is something.

But thinking that your life is ABOUT to be over when an invading army takes over your town after a bloody battle…  That is something entirely else.

I should mention that for me a war was a doubly terrible thing because my dear father had promptly enrolled into the Pink Tower Guards as any good halfling fascist would, and that the Pink Tower Guards were owned by the biggest pervert of all, the Elder Jigolanthas, well that was worse.

But the absolutely worse of all is that the very dwarf army that father worked for before, in Grumpslandia was about to invade Lollipop City. My poor father had no idea, could have not known, that the dwarves were thinking of invading Lollipop City before we left Grumpslandia to move here. How could he? The weirdest thing is that the day we left, a certain lizardman named Agua arrived flying on his blue dragon. I saw him from my bedroom window.

Dad was “called to war” by the powerful trumpets and conch-shells of the Pink Tower within a matter of weeks of enrolling in the army. The conch-shells began blaring their call to arms in the morning.  The dwarves, our dwarves… had arrived.

Mom went after him. She wanted to make sure “he was safe”.

And both locked me in the house, assuring themselves to lock utterly the basement of the house, where I was put, literally, in chains inside our “secret basement”, our secret contraband stash and hiding place... Halflings have such spaces. It’s in our nature.  

I was chained to the wall of our secret basement.

It was like a bad horror story.

I would not have been in such a position, I realize, if I were an obedient 14 year old, but the fact is that my parents both work as thieves, and thus, breaking from locks, basements, and halfling-homes, for someone like me is not a big deal. Except, of course, that when mom and dad chain me to a wall so I won’t leave, they do a ridiculously good job.

“For my own protection”… of course.

If Lollipop City were not such a debauched city I would have a strong case for the child-protection agency.

Go figure.

So here I was, in the basement of our house, in my pajamas, chained to the wall with an utterly unbreakable ankle chain. While outside, a war raged on.

“For my own protection…”

I don’t think mom would have ever chained me to the wall if she would have known that the war would only last sixteen hours. Sixteen long, absurd, and horrible hours that I had to spend chained to the wall by an unbreakable ankle chain.

First two or so hours were more fury and rage and all that which comes to a teen chained to the wall.

Third hour, which I had never been chained to before for so long, I began to worry.

Four hour I go really depressed and blamed myself, over and over and over for not being a more “obedient” daughter.

The last two hours of the war were what I call… beginners mind,  a state of calm created by necessity, much like those altered states of consciousness caused by extreme physical or mental discomfort.

PTSD, here I come!

Since our “basement” in truth is a perfect hideout, designed to hide us completely in cases such as police raids, I was unable to get information from the outside, since there was no sound that I could hear (and thus no sound somebody trying to find our hidden basement could hear either).

So when I heard the secret door open, I was half-expecting to see mom, telling me that dad was dead… or maybe dad telling me that mom was dead… or maybe both of them, telling me that nobody was dead. I hoped for the third.

What I would have NEVER expected was to see the great and terrible General Kurgan Hacha Sangrienta open those doors.

General Kurgan.

The blood thirsty mass-murderer that commanded all the terrible dwarf armies of the tyrant King Grumps.  The Nazi bearded horror known for his genocides of goblins, orcs and trolls…. The terror of millions….

My dad’s ex-boss.  

He was horrible.

His deeply scarred face was covered in a waist-long grey braided beard. His black Nazi SS Plate Mail Armor, huge axe and spiked helm gave him a kind of otherworldly and deeply disturbing look.

“Hello, Rainbow.” He said, politely.

A huge blow of his axe broke the chain that had me tied to the wall.

“As soon as we can, I will have a smithy take that thing off your ankle.”

“Where are my parents?” I demanded.

“Your folks… are dead.” He lowered his head sadly. “I am very sorry.”

All the blood drained from my head…

And I fainted.

When I woke up, I was in a soft bed with silk sheets inside a huge, elegantly decorated room with gigantic oval windows that showed a pretty landscape I knew very well. I was back in Grumpslandia.

I was wearing a silk gown and I was bathed and perfumed. In fact, I felt great, as if I had slept for a week.

The door opened and a very plump dwarf lady wearing a severe gray dress came in.

“Good morning Miss Rainbow. General Kurgan sends greetings. I am Madame Caroline, and I am here to serve you and help you clear out any doubts you might have… And since you are still a juvenile, I am also your guardian.”

“My parents…?”

“I am so sorry, dear. They were inside a building that was destroyed by a falling dragon. It was actually an accident. So, General Kurgan decided that the only right thing to do would be to bring you back and take care of you… After all, your father worked for the General for many decades, and although he could have been considered a traitor for joining the Pink Tower Army, he wasn’t.”

“You won the war?”

“We won the war, dear.”

I paused to think about all this. I was an orphan and now, I was back in Grumpslandia,  inside the mansion of one of the most important dwarves of the entire realm. Why? What was really going on?

“Lollipop City is now ruled by King Agua, a lizardman, and a loyal subject of our own King Grumps, as it was meant to be, and the perverted gnome Jigolanthas has been exiled to Planet Earth. The war only lasted sixteen hours…”

“How long have I been here?”

“A week.” Said the dwarf lady, tucking me in on the bed.

“A whole week?” I tried to free myself from the covers.

“You must have gone into shock, dear. It’s normal, considering the circumstances.”

It made sense. I had been chained to a wall for sixteen hours during a war. My parents had died.

“So am I ward of the state?” I asked.

The dwarf lady coughed uncomfortably. Her pink cheeks reddened and she started to fidget.

“Actually… eh.. hum… in effect, you… you are war trophy.”

Did she say it? The trophy word? What did… a trophy? What could…?

“A war trophy?” 

“Under the rules of war, General Kurgan could get anything he wanted form Lollipop City as lawful war loot. He chose you. You are his slave.”

Ouch.

I finally understood what it really means when “your life was over”.

The first month living in the “General Kurgan Hacienda”, as I came to know my new home, I never saw the old dwarf. In fact, I was treated as royalty, and little by little I started to get accustomed to this new life. I had lost my parents in the war and I had been taken prisoner by the enemy as a slave.  But things could be worse. I was treated well….

Why was he holding me in his Hacienda?

Was I a new sex slave, waiting to be abused by his new owner?

Was I just being pampered before the terror began? Why had he taken me in? Guilt? Lust? Had he murdered my parents and he was lying about it? In fact, his army had caused the accident that had killed my parents. How was that not murder?

What would I do?

What COULD I do?

The hacienda had dozens of armed guards guarding it. Mostly, they kept to themselves. I never was able to speak much to them other than basic things like… “I need to go to the bathroom”. They never volunteered their name, or even a friendly gesture. Although some of them did look a bit guilty at times.

My only source of information was Madame Caroline.

“So, why am I here really?” I managed to ask once.

“Why, you are now part of General Kurgan’s Harem”.  She answered. She was planting gardenias in the garden, and I was bored.

“Harem? But there are no other girls living here. Just me and you.”

“I was once one of his favorites, you know? Now I am older, and he pays little attention to me…. In that special way… but I am able to serve him in many other ways, and he still loves me. This I am very certain.”

The very next day, he finally arrived.

I was forewarned by Caroline. She told me he would be arriving in the afternoon, to stay. I went immediately into a panic. What would I do? Was he going to rape me? Could I escape? The house guards were particularly nervous too. Just as tight-lipped as always but now nervous and jittery.

The sun was coming down when he finally came home.

He came alone. Nothing special, just walking, as if someone came home from work.

Nothing glorious. Just a tired old dwarf coming home.

Caroline, the guards and I received him in the front door.

“Caroline, my dear. Has our new arrival behaved?” I heard him ask first.

“Yes, Kurgan. She has behaved very well.”

“Rainbow, how is your new home?” He asked me.

“Very beautiful, thank you...” I stammered.

“Caroline, prepare dinner. I am starved. We shall have dinner all three of us together.”

Dinner was uncanny. Here we sat all of us, on the long dining room table, like some kind of strange morose family with Caroline and Kurgan playing the part of concerned parents and myself playing the part of rebellious child. Not much was said, except for a few ridiculous attempts at small-talk from Caroline, who was clearly worried about something. I said nothing until diner was over, and Caroline said she was going to get some coffee.

When we were finally alone, I had to ask:

“Am I your war trophy? Am I your …. Slave?”

Kurgan set down his knife and fork on the table and looked at me deeply. A part of me felt naked by those steely gray eyes. Another part of me felt angry.

“Yes.”  He replied with no distinctive emotion.

I fell apart. In a fit of nervousness, I dropped my glass full of blueberry juice on the table. Caroline came out just then, holding a tray with the coffee service. She set it down and went to my side of the table to clean up…

“Caroline, please leave us for a minute. We’ll have coffee in the library. Later.” He said.

“Of course Kurgan.” She said, and I could detect great sadness in her voice.

“Thank you.”

The dwarf lady left the room, leaving the coffee behind. I flushed deeply. I had no idea what to say, what do to… Then Kurgan took up his fork and knife again and began to cut his steak, trying to get a little more meat out of the fat that was left behind.

“In war, there are certain privileges, and the victors of a war, can enslave the losers. When your father decided to leave my service and join the Lollipop City Army, he knew that he was taking a risk. We were not at war with Lollipop City at that time. But he was privy to the fact that we had been planning to war against Lollipop City for decades. I suspect he did not imagine we would ever prosecute that war, so his leaving Grumpslandia was just a decision to better his family’s life in a more nurturing environment for halflings.” He spoke slowly and methodically, as a teacher would speak to a child. After a long silence in which he took a piece of meat to his mouth and chewed it slowly, he continued. “It was just bad luck, and in fact, I was very fond of your father. He was a loyal subject to the crown before leaving our nation. I felt sad to see him leave. But when we decided to invade Lollipop City, he became my enemy, and a traitor, since he was working for the enemy, and he knew many details about our military forces.”

“It was no accident, was it?”  I realized immediately what he was going to tell me.

“No. It was not. Your father was a high-priority target. He was one of the first casualties of the war.  By my order he was murdered before the first assault.” Said the General, slowly, without emotion. But then, I saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

“They were together when the attack came. It came from the sky, from one of our Griffon Riders. Our wizards tracked him down to a squadron of gnomes protecting the east wall. We destroyed the squadron with incendiary bombs from the sky. We had no way of knowing your mother would be there with him.” His words were steady paced and monotone. As if he was giving a report to a superior officer.

The image he created in my mind took me rapidly to tears. I began to sob.

“I decided to take you in. It was the least I could do for your father. That is why I made you my war trophy.”

Although my mind was on fire and I felt was dying, I was still clear minded enough to ask the following questions:

“But I am part of your harem? How many girls do you own? Will I have to act as a …. Wife to you?”

His face turned stern and hard. He frowned. “A wife? You are my property. I can do as I wish with you.”

And the flood of despair took over my body and I began to swoon and cry hysterically. This mellowed the old pervert.

“Oh… come down. Stop crying. I am not going to DO anything. I just wanted to rescue you. I am not a monster. I always liked you. In fact, I saw you grow up and besides, you are a halfling… And I am a dwarf. And you are fourteen years old… and I am one thousand four hundred years old… I am not going to force anything on you.”

His words did not help at all. I just cried harder.

He called for Caroline and when she rushed in, he said:

“Huh, Caroline, please take Rainbow to her room and give her some floripond tea to calm her down. I have urgent matters to attend… huh… in… somewhere else…”

The old dwarf got up so fast and left so quickly that I felt as though he had never really been there.

I would not see again him for another whole month.

I was angry.

I was angry at everything and everybody and at myself and especially at General Kurgan Hacha Sangrienta. But most of all, I was angry at my father. It was all his fault.

He had been the one who decided to leave Grumpslandia. He had been the one who decided to join the Pink Tower Guards. He was the one who chained me to the wall. He had murdered my mother and ruined my life. And he had died and left me alone. I felt I had never needed him so much and he was not there to help me.

Caroline became the second person I blamed for everything, and the guileful dwarf decided to avoid me until my anger faded for her and I began to need her company.

“He is a pig.” I said to her one day.

“No, he is not. He is a sweet old man who cares for people.”

“And yet here he has me … and you… as kind of pretty statues in garden of lecherous desires.”

“I don’t think you really understand what he feels for us. It’s different.” She was blushing.

“Tell me something Caroline… How many girls does he have in his harem?” I snapped.

“Huh….” Caroline tried to avert her eyes from me.

“Do tell.” I insisted.

“I don’t think you need to know such things…” she tried to block my eyes giving me her back.

“I do need to know. I am one of them, and it’s not fair, to be holed up in this house... Like… like… a caged animal.”

“But you can go anywhere you want, Rainbow.”

“Tell me!”

“Oh, fine. He has 112 concubines. You are the number 113. I am the number 7. Each one has her own house, her own guards, and they all live in luxury and peace. The General is a very wealth dwarf. He has deep pockets to treat each concubine in the best possible lifestyle.  Some of them try to be nice to him. Some, like you, are …. Difficult.”

“Difficult? DIFFICULT!!!??? I AM A BLOODY SEX SLAVE OF A TYRANT WHO MURDERED MY PARENTS AND YOU CALL ME DIFFICULT!?” I cried at the top of my lungs.

“But you never had sex with him. And you don’t need to if you don’t want to. Not ever.  Nobody does. He just wants you to be happy because he feels he owes it to you.” She said reasonably.

This shut me up.

Then I said timidly: “I am still a virgin.”

“I know.” She said… and then she added: “And so does he. I do believe he likes virgins best of all.”

The next day, my “owner” came back to have dinner with me.

This time, I was much more willing to chat and enroll him in my conversation. I wanted to know more about him, so I asked him many questions. He answered each one patiently painting me a picture of a dwarf of action who had known war since his childhood and who had worked all his life to become the greatest warrior he could. His brutality was a necessary part of his life-work and he looked upon his acts of genocide and murder as simply his chosen way of life. Deep down, he had a profound personal codex, a kind of measuring stick of what he considered “good” and “evil” and although murder was as natural to him as breathing, there were certain types of murder he would never commit. His loyalty to King Grumps was absolute. He would gladly die for his King, but he would also kill for him without question. 

On the subject of his “harem” he simply stated that he liked females, and that I was the only halfling in his harem, and he would never do anything I didn’t want.

“But why do you have so many concubines, General?” I asked, prodding. Angry.

“I like females.” He said.

“What about love?”

“I love all of them.”

“You can’t love all of them. Surely you… can’t love so many women!”

“But I do.” And then, very softly he added: “I love you too, Rainbow. I always had, since the day you were born.”

“What?”

“When you were born, I dream about you. I dreamed of you as you are now. Young, beautiful, and angry. And I was struck by this dream. As I saw you growing up, I kept an eye on you. I wanted to see if that dream would become a reality. And it did. Here you are.” He said. “I never told anybody about my dream. I couldn’t. It was ridiculous. You are a halfling. I am a dwarf. Our people don’t … mix. My people would never agree… I took a great risk in taking you as my War Trophy.”

“Here I am. And… You… murdered my parents.”

“That was war. And I am a man or war.”

“I want to be free of you. I want to leave this place.”

“You are too young.”

“But not too young to be part of your harem?”

“You are part of my harem so I can protect you, Rainbow. You are an attractive lass, and even here in Grumpslandia, where the good dwarven folk are known for their family values, you could be the object of unwanted attention.”

“Like the attention you give me?”

“I do it to protect you, Rainbow. I do it for your own good. You are still a child. You would have no chance out there, in the real world.”

“And then what? When will you decide to rape me finally? Or what? Am I just here so you can look at me?”

He got really angry at this, got up, and without a word, left.  But as he was going out the door, he turned around and said:

“If you really want to leave, do so. I will not hold you against your will. I grant you your freedom as of immediately.” And he slammed the door.

I was left dumbfounded.

“He was angry.” Said Caroline. “What are you going to do now?”

Panic seized me. Where would I go? I had… nobody. I didn’t have a clue what to say or do. I just wanted to have things as they were before. Even the chains of the basement of our house were preferable to this.

“Can I suggest something to you?”….

“Please!” I cried.

“Before you decide to go off on your own, why not visit his other concubines? My sisters and I have a place… I would like to take you there, and maybe then you will know what to do…”

Caroline was such a wonderful woman. She was reasonable, wise, helpful, kind… Just like my mom. I would do anything she suggested. Short of… You know?

We left with a full escort. Six burly guards and a chariot with two ponies and a charioteer. I was not sure where we were going, but wherever it was, it was not inside the city walls. We left the city and went east to the beach, following northward.  

We finally arrived. It was a gigantic building, three stories high, built in the typical fashion of Grumpslandia structures, with red-tile roof, white walls, elegant oval windows and marble pillars. It counted with a private beach, luxurious flower gardens and hundreds of children playing everywhere. Dozens of servants and guards guarded the children carefully, both on the beach, and the gardens.

“The General’s Main house.” She said, proudly.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I was a little younger than you when he chose me to be his next concubine. I was even more terrified than you, but my parents were poor, and he offered them a deal they couldn’t refuse. Oh, I hated him. You have no idea how much I hated him. He was old and ugly and miserable… That was very long ago. And I had a lot to learn.” She began… And then she walked over to the children playing on the beach. They were mostly all naked, except some of the older ones who wore short skirts or tunics. Most of the children already had beards… It was hard to tell a dwarf child’s age. 

When they saw Caroline, they all stopped what they were doing and chanted in unison:

MOTHER CAROLINE YOU ARE HOME!!!

They went to her and hugged her and kissed her and showed their love for her.  Once again, I was astounded.

When she was able to disengage herself from the crowd of tiny dwarf children, she came back to me smiling.

“Come, let’s go inside.”

We came in through the kitchen. It was a huge kitchen, with dozens of ovens, palates, and many busy dwarf women preparing the next meal.  When they saw Caroline come in, they all stopped what they were doing and greeted her lovingly.

“Meet my sisters.” She said to me, before the deluge of hugs and kisses. “This is Mariana, Louisiana, Luz, Elena, Cindy, Mindy and Maddie, Valentina, Carolina, and Josefina, Olga, Helga and Renata. Over there are Justine, Ofelia, Anna, Daffodil, and Montana.” And then to them she said: “Girls, meet Number 113, her name is Rainbow.”

Suddenly I was the victim of a rush of kisses and hugs to make anybody blush. Each of the women took turns to love me and touch me as much as they could, filling me with tender words and friendly greetings.

“What a lovely halfling!”

“You have wonderful hair!”

“Your eyes are beautiful!”

“What a cute dress!”

“We’ve never had a halfling sister before!”

When the love fest was over, I was allowed to visit the rest of the compound. I kept running into women of all ages who were somehow now my “sisters”. It was evident that Caroline was a person of authority amongst all these females, one of the older females in the harem.

“I am actually the oldest of them now, Rainbow.” She cleared up. “My older sisters one through six are now all dead by natural causes, and I am therefore the ranking girl in the harem.”

“I didn’t know you all lived together. I though Kurgan said each had her own home.” I said.

“Kurgan is a rich man, and he has a lot of homes, so it’s true that we all have at least one home to call our own, but we prefer to live in the family house, together… as a family.”

Besides the fact that everybody in the huge building was extremely happy and that children crawled under every crook and crevice everywhere, I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was all about. All these women, all these “concubines” were great friends. They supported each other profoundly, even though they all competed for the same man.

“That’s how it works, Rainbow. We are all one family, we are all sisters, and we all have one husband. It’s a strange arrangement, but once you get used to it, it’s quite comfortable, and all of us who are here love our live together.” Caroline reminded me.

Then she turned around to face me, grabbed me by the arms and shook me, gently.

“You must decide. Are you going to stay?” She said, intensely.

I had nowhere else to go.

Caroline accompanied me as far as the General’s bedroom door. Then she hugged me. There were tears in her eyes.

“When you come out from that room, I will call you sister forevermore.  And I will love you as much as I love all my other sisters.”

And she kissed me deeply on the lips.