The Siege of Castle Kovitz

The Siege of Castle Kovitz

The ancient gnome, Jigolanthas, naked as usual, looked at the sinister little halfling facing him, and actually shivered. There was something cold, something terrible about the halfling. A cruelty that you could sense, something about his eyes… Jigolanthas had lived for thousands of years, and he had been in many planets, and this halfling, Dal David, was different.

Still, he would go through with it. Jigolanthas had had enough. His nymphs were not there. He had sent them away to deal with the halfling, and his two lizardman guards stood like statues, not saying a word. They were good at that, lizard men.

“You have understand a little history. Kovitz is not just ANY criminal. He saved my life. During the rebellion in New Rome, I was a dead man… wounded, overwhelmed by six merciless warriors. Alone. And suddenly, there he was, my greatest enemy, my most feared enemy… fighting with his huge axe to save me… I couldn’t believe it. It made no sense. Except we had both been slaves of the empire, and his rage was turned against the humans, not against me. When it was over, and the human warriors were dead, their necks severed by his cruel axe, I asked him… ‘why did you save me?’ You know what he said? ’There was no profit in killing you, gnome’. That’s what he told me.”

The halfling smiled. This dwarf, Kovitz, was a man after his own spirit.

“So why do you want him dead now?” he asked.

“His enormous wealth crated through his vast criminal empire rivals the wealth of some nations, and it threatens the stability of our city. Lollipop City does not have many rules, we are a tolerant society based on democratic agreements between the very distinct races, humans, lizard men, ogres, trolls… If the few rules of our city that we do we have are broken, the agreement between our peoples might fall apart, and if that happens, Lollipop City will fall like a deck of cards. On the hand, Kovitz’ criminal empire stretches far beyond our city walls. He has agents in Grumpslandia, Rasalandia, Pirate City (of course) and as far as Omeratsu Onichan and Tutatis.  His activities, if discovered, might be blamed on our government. Although I owe him my life, I have to stop him.”

The halfling took a hit from his joint and threw the roach on the grass, stepping on it to put it out, and making Jigolanthas twitch. If this damned halfling were not the best, he would never have been allowed on the Penthouse of the Pink Tower.

“Sounds like you and the dwarf have a longer history than just the fall of New Rome.”

Jigolanthas got up from his throne, grabbed a large dried stick from under a tree, and put it to the fire of a candle next to which lie his huge pipe. When the stick began to burn, he took his pipe, lit it with the stick and made a huge smoke ring. Then he threw the stick into his pool, where it sizzled.

Memories of other worlds and other times.

“I was a young man, if you can believe that.  We were on some forgotten little planet of a faraway galaxy, I think it was Krynn.  Or maybe Planet Caladan. Who remembers such times? I traveled a lot in my youth, always in search of power.” Jigolanthas made another huge smoke ring and sat back on his throne. His head now went back in time… to many thousands of years ago. Then he resumed his story.

“This local little King. A human king whose name is long forgotten in history… Hired us, me and Grumps… He wasn’t a King back then you know? There were two others. Both elves. Don’t remember their names now… It was so long ago. Apparently, there was a dwarf renegade who was terrorizing his realm, stealing, killing and raping. He rode around on a red dragon. And he was clean shaven. A clean shaven dwarf!”

The halfling scratched his hairless chin...

“Kovitz?”

Jigolanthas nodded. “He was the most brutal, terrible and relentless warrior. After our first encounter, where the elves were slaughtered and Grumps and I barely made it out alive, he chased us halfway across the galaxy. Finally, I met Xan, somewhere in the dark mountains of the Shadowlands, and he helped me kill Kovitz. Or we thought we killed him. Xan blew him right out of the sky with dragon and all. It was a fierce aerial battle and we thought… we thought… he was gone forever. Never did find his body. You have to remember that. Always sever their heads. Never think you’ve finished the job if you don’t have their head with you. It’s not about trophies. It’s about security. Grumps has a huge collection of heads in his house. He makes sure his enemies stay dead because he hands their heads on the wall.”

“King Grumps is a wise man.” Said the halfling admiringly.

“Yeah, well, the next time we met, we were both slaves of New Rome. And when the rebellion started, he fought right at our side. When he saved my life, I thought our old feud was over. So I let him live here, in MY city. Xan and Rainsong were not crazy about it. But for decades since the Fall of New Rome, Kovitz has been quiet. Until now. My spies informed me of his plan to create a war between us and the trolls of Trolland. He’s been quietly selling magic to the trolls and inciting them to attack us. I would have left him alone, but his ambition knows no bounds. And I fear he never forgot his old grudge against me and Xan, he was just waiting for the right time to strike.”

“You could have him arrested.”

“There is no evidence against him. Nothing serious. Besides, he has a lot of allies, and it would be bad business to strike directly.”

“I know his compound. His castle is a fortress, he has hundreds, maybe thousands of guards. Spell-casters… warriors… exceedingly professional.” Said the halfling, turning his head to look around the huge penthouse garden.

“I am told you are the best at what you do. Quiet. Invisible.”

The halfling whistled between his teeth.

“I will need to hire some help on this job. The cost..”

“The cost is no issue. And in addition to whatever cost I might incur this job, if you are successful, you will have the eternal gratitude of the Pink Tower and all that implies.  I want Kovitz neutralized. I have too many other problems to deal with to be worried about someone so powerful in my own city.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”  Said the halfling, smiling wide and stretching out his pudgy little hand to the naked monarch.

Jigolanthas shook the Halflings’ hand vigorously.

“Report here directly to me when the job is done. I trust in your absolute confidentiality.”

PART II.

The worst elements in Lollipop City choose, almost exclusively the “El Gato Chato” as their meeting place. The reason is really a mystery. There are many such places as “El Gato Chato” in the city, dozens of them just in the Red District. But something about this particular brothel make it the place of choice for evil to converge.

This association between “El Gato Chato” and the criminal elements of the city actually had created a particular phrase which was at first popular in Lollipop City but then, with the years, became popular in all the cities of the world. The phrase, “he was shat by the cat”, used to identify a possible criminal from ordinary people, refereed to the fact that “El Gato Chato” was huge building in the shape of a giant red housecat, and the entrance to the building was in the mouth of the cat, with a red carpet in the shape of a giant tongue, and the exit of the building was in the anus of the animal, shaped, well.. as an anus.

So folks who came out of the “El Gato Chato” were said to be shat by him.

None of this mattered to Dal David as he waited, sipping wine, sitting next to a large lit fireplace. It was winter, and outside it was already snowing. The halfling was notoriously adverse to winter weather. He hated the cold. His leather breeches and studded leather shirt did nothing to keep him from the cold weather, so on this occasion he had donned a huge bearskin overcoat. But still so attired, he shivered. Daniel Dal, his brother, had just arrived, and he arrived with the usual suspects and a few new comers to the whole assassination business, what Daniel liked to call “Cannon Fodder”.

Daniel was a fearsome creature. A halfling, like David, wearing a helmet with huge rabbit ears, hard as stone (and light as feathers). The helmet was closed shut, as always. Daniel never let anybody see his face. Ever. He wore a chest plate, crotch plate, plate thighs and gloves and a short , evil looking sword.

Just that. The rest was as naked as his soul.

To his right stood Santania, gorgeous, young looking, green clad with a fabulous bow and quiver and a little green shirt and skirt that left absolutely NOTHING to the imagination. Well, the skirt was really mid-thigh. Such was expected of human women. To his left the sexy dwarf Brakala, remarkable slim for her race, with boots, skirt and shirt just like Santania, but much shorter. Well, not much. She was a tall dwarf. And clean-shaven! Clean-shaven dwarf women had the tendency to shave for other races, so usually, they were looked down upon by their sisters. Brakala could care less. She worked with the Dal’s.

Behind these three, the muscle they had acquired: Two elf-chicks, one black, one white, two bulgy human males, and behind them, a lowly orc.

“Brak, Lady Satan… You guys got some real desperados for the job this time.” Sneered David.

Brakala introduced her new friends…

“The Orc is Rocky. Lucky fellow. Has survived such massacres that I couldn’t resist, the humans are Rey Leonidas and Rey Nimrod. Not the cheapest, but probably loyal. The chicks are Greta and Ilharess Sufrimiento. I don’t trust either one of them. But they look pretty efficient.”

The dark skinned elf sneered and spat.  “Little dwarf, you stink. I don’t trust you either, but let’s talk money, shall we? We all love money.” She was perfectly beautiful, dressed in just the right amount of red fluffy furs to cover what most men would die to uncover. Her look was severe, tribal, and she painted her white hair black. But her youth made her look ridiculously young. Even for eternally youthful drow.

“That talk is with the Dal’s honey. I just work for them.” Spat back the sexy dwarf.

“You do well not to trust this black devil.” Said Greta, the other elf, whose chosen color was pink, pink hair, pink skin, pink clothing. Like most elf chicks she was also ridiculously beautiful, but in a most arrogant way. She knew she was a knockout and she acted like the worst of divas in Hollywood.

The two humans took turns smiling at each other. Both were unremarkable humans with dark hair, one bearded, one mustachioed, both powerfully built and both traveling in unremarkable traveling clothes. They probably kept their armor under their shirts and capes. Leonidas had a spear, true to his namesake, he also had a large Greek-style shield.  Nimrod had two axes strapped to his back. Both wore bear-skin capes and hats. The poor orc looked around, scared. His bare arms and legs showed many wounds and scars, his boots had holes and his sword was slightly dented, but it still looked dangerous and sharp. His armor was typical orcish half-plate. He carried a small shied and a bow and quiver tied to his back.

David stood up and quickly and went directly to stand in front of Ilharess, looking her “down” with eyes that made even the hardest villain consider his survival options.

“Your name is Sufrimiento, right?” He asked, cold.

“Ilharess Sufrimiento.” She replied equally cold, but slightly preoccupied. “The title is used before the name for reasons of respect.”

“Ilharess Sufrimiento. Pardon my lack of courtesy. I do believe that the price was to be discussed with Baraka, and that it had been accepted and arranged before we actually met in person. Was this not what occurred?” He replied, colder.

The dark elf swallowed. Her plans to demand more money had backfired. She realized in that moment that the terrible little halfling and his friends were far more dangerous than anything she could conjure up, and that things could turn ugly if she did not accept the job.

But she couldn’t back down.

“I told the dwarf that it was enough. She insisted that I meet you anyhow.” She said, challenging.

“Brakala has my absolute trust. If she told you to come anyhow, it was because she knew that I needed you in this job. Therefore I’ll give you what you ask, whatever it is. I don’t mind paying for something that is worth the price. However, from this moment on, consider this: if you fail me, I shall not be kind to you. Because the costs merits the expectation. ” Then the terrible little man smiled widely, put out his hand and gave a little bow.

Greta would not be outdone by her rival.

“I want more money too.” she said.

“Oh, fine… Listen all of you. Let’s stop this infernal haggling. From now on, I double the price of all you so there is no more stupid monetary concerns. And now that we are on the subject, here are the rules of the game. Follow them or die once you actually begin working, which is now. One. I make all the rules. Two. You do exactly, and I do mean EXACTLY what I say or you die and I give your money to whoever is still doing what I say. Three. All of you will instantly and rapidly kill any of you who do not follow my rules. I will pay a double bounty if that is necessary.”

The black elf and the pink elf looked at each other and both smiled, wickedly. They then looked at all the others and finally all present turned and looked at the orc.

The orc peed his armor.

“What? Nobody ever had an accident?” he asked.

A big laugh erupted between all present and nobody not laughed.

Greta, far more comfortable than before, broke the ensuing uncomfortable silence with question:

“So who is the mark, sweet chums?” she purred.

“I will tell you when we get to where we are going to do the job. Now all of you, eat something, have a few, but not too many drinks, gather up all your gear, and we’ll be ready to go. We have two hours.” Said David and sat back down, inviting all the rest to sit next to him, and ordered a round of drinks to one of the naked wenches who served.

When everybody had a seat and a drink in his or her hand, he stood up on the table with his drink in hand.

“I propose a toast! To our company. We shall name it…” he began..

And his brother, Daniel had to say it…

“Of the rabbit.”

“Bleeded bloody bowing cows, Daniel, you moron. We can’t call all our companies –of the rabbit- We need to call it something else.”

“Hamster?” said the lumbering warrior.

“NO!”

“Bleeding Cow. It was Santania who spoke next.

“Bleeding Cow. The Company of the Bleeding Cow.” Said firmly David.

And they all cheered.

                                               TO BE CONTINUED….